Valid argument forms

This afternoon's run - a good pace for me in heat on asphalt but also evidence of my cowardice 

I had nothing to do this morning. This is not common. I have worked for myself for just over 15 years as a translator and I almost always have something to do. This morning was a rare exception and I found myself doing some organizing. That's something else that's very rare in my life. 

I made a quick list of stuff to get done. I always make lists. I have no idea where I get this from or when it started but lists are a big thing in my life. I make them on Post-It notes and take an absurd amount of pleasure in the actual writing of them. I use a mechanical pencil (which I called a propelling pencil as a kid, without ever asking myself why they had that name) and I have the sense that I am engraving something of great value as I write really small. I could write on larger sheets of paper, in pen, or I could use my phone or computer but it would upset me. I have habits, like everyone else, and routines and I stick to them. This is not something I am proud or ashamed of. I do find it interesting, though. Something inside me loves order and predictability. If you knew anything about my life you would laugh your head off at that claim.

I spent an hour, having made my list, paying bills online. Two bills, to be precise. They were both late and, this being Brazil - where every single aspect of life involves a fine or an interest payment or both, usually - I had to get updated bills. It was a soul-destroying experience and I treated it as preparation for the last half-hour of the marathon when I know I will start to shut down and lose the will to go on but must dig deep because that's what I have decided to do. 

Another day I might take you through the conversations I had with call center staff but I simply do not have the emotional energy now. I know everyone has their own dreadful experience to relate, no matter where they live, and I doubt my experience would be news to anyone, anyway. The odd thing is how people find it so easy to take on the character of a basic-level robot when handling calls such as mine. Everything is scripted and based on the simple "if A then B" system used in what are called valid argument forms. The only way to make good use of such a system is to get into that character yourself when calling for help. This is something I always forget until I am a good ten minutes into a never-ending loop conversation / exchange of As and Bs. 

The morning was a success, at least. I managed to pay my bills and keep the penalties down, and I had some work to stop any thoughts about having to get a salaried job and wondering what I could do other than translate. I can - and do - teach, by the way. Just a couple of hours a week. This is irrelevant but then so is everything I am talking about here, so one more item shouldn't hurt. 

This relatively easy but also slightly stressful morning led me to decide, as I showered my three-year-old son before lunch, that I would go for a Big Run in the afternoon. This plan was questioned a short while later on the drive to school as I looked through the windshield at a bright blue cloudless sky and realized the air conditioning was struggling to keep the heat down. Back home, as I got changed, I decided that it would be a great idea to run 16 km on the beach at a steady pace. 

As I ran to the beach I made a quick decision to run on the cycle lane and to make it a 12 km run at a target pace of 5:13. No idea why - it might be that I just knew 16 km in that heat was idiotic and my sub-conscious did a deal - 12 km relatively quickly on asphalt was an acceptable trade for 16 km at a slower pace on sand. Most likely, I just thought I'd take the 12 over the 16 as an easier option. 

This nagging sense that I had chickened out of a deal I had done with myself probably goes some way to explaining why I ended up averaging 4:45 pace. It was warm and windy and my heel was making itself known to me every step of the way but I have to say I found the run pleasant. Maybe it has nothing to do with these unspoken negotiations I was waffling on about. It's more likely that I am simply feeling the benefit of the reduced distance I have run recently. Whatever happened, running from A to B was a better way to use an hour than those "if A then B" exchanges. There is no arguing about that.